There is often the assumption that neurodivergent and differently abled people are asexual beings, meaning kink spaces are off limits. We talked to kink photographer Tired Mollie to explore how kink spaces are often not accommodating to the neurodivergent experience and her kink experience as a neurodiverse creative.
Who are you and what do you do?
I’m Mollie, I got into the kink scene last year in Spring, I’ve always had the desire to do it but not the right environment or people. I tried on a latex hood, a fully rescripted hood, and I loved it. The whole experience was so overwhelming but brilliant.
How did you get into kink photography?
I’ve been doing photography for four years , I love doing polaroid right now, I’m too impatient for film. I started doing self portraits, with a timer, following my journey growing my latex collection and growing in the kink community. I’m lucky to be able to shoot other people and its great that they trust me, sometimes I still get imposter syndrome over it and I struggle to direct people in that space but I’m getting better. I think fly on the wall photography suits me better so I’m less involved.
“I’m always masking at the events and I’ve yet to find a space I can relax, the issue is the heavy patriarchy at these events, I wish there were smaller femme spaces that were more peaceful.”
“Kink has really helped build my confidence, its a great space to push my social skills and build connections with people in a way that feels less intimidating in such an overwhelming space”
Did you find that kink spaces were more accommodating?
Sadly, no I find that I’m not respected in those spaces, I still find that I’m on guard the whole time. There have been calm spaces, that have space to relax unlike others where there’s only the smoking area. One of my first events, I remember, was so much, so much noise and smoke too much small talk, I didn’t know what to do.
I’m still getting touched at events because of my tattoos, I still don’t feel safe as a queer person in some kink spaces, fetish is getting more popular and people that don’t understand the rules of the space are getting in and its making the space feel crowded and overwhelming. I feel like I’m not queer enough for these spaces, there’s a lack of diversity in femme presenting queer people.
I will say, Kink has really helped build my confidence, its a great space to push my social skills and build connections with people in a way that feels less intimidating in such an overwhelming space. The sensuality in kink isn’t talked about enough, people feeling your body as it is. Kink isn’t always penetration I think people forget that.
Do you think there should be more neurodivergent kink spaces?
Definitely, not evening has to be techno, maybe some quite music and less lights. Something people can talk through, and integrate. To have a neurodivergent kink night, there should be more windows, there’s so many things going on, its a sensory overload.
More of a sensual experience rather than a physical one. I’m always masking at the events and I’ve yet to find a space I can relax, the issue is the heavy patriarchy at these events, I wish there were smaller femme spaces that were more peaceful.
You just had an exhibition, what's that about?
It was four photographers Johnny Kaye, Layla Kosima, Sweet Noise Film and myself , I love these photographers so much, Johnny asked me to join, and I was so honoured, I really look up to how these people capture kink moments. I haven’t shot in a while, so right now I’m working on capturing more polaroid’s.
Its a dream come true, I couldn’t believe it when they asked me, those photographers believe in my work and they let me know and I feel like I’m equal to these photographers. It reminds me to stop putting everyone on pedestal, I feel cared for and encouraged.
Even though I’ve not been shooting for a full year, I already on the next level and it feels to special. Right now I’m just working on my craft and working with other people, I’d love to have more confidence to direct shoots.
You can check out Mollie’s work at @tired_molly